.B8 Z36 
Copy 1 



NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



^tar ^eries 




DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

ALTA SERIES, Price 25 Cents Each, Postpaid. All Others 15 Cents Each. 



Ail that Glitters is not Gold, com- 
edy, 2 acts. 2 hrs 

A Very Pleasant Ev farce, 30 m... 

Assessor, sketch, 10 min 

• Babes in Wood, burlesque, 25 m. 

Borrowing Trouble, farce, 20 min. 

Bad Job, farce, 30 min 

Bumble's Courtship, sketch, 18 m.^ 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, farce, 25 m.. 

Christmas Ship, musical, 20 min... 

Caste, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 m. 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m.. . 

Country Justice, farce, 15 . min 

Circumlocution Office, 20 min 

Chimney Corner, drama, 2 acts, 1 
hr., min 

Cut off with a Shilling, farce, 2* m 

Danger Signal.drama, 2 acts, 2 hrs. 

Desperate Situation, farce, 25 min. 

East Lynne, drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs.. 

Fair Encounter, 20 min 

Family Strike, farce, 20 min 

Fruits of Wine Cup, temperance 
drama, 3 acts, 1 hr 

Friendly Move, sketch, 20 min. . 

Home, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs 

Homoeopathy, farce 30 min 

Hans Von Smash, farce 30 min.. . 

Hard Cider, temperance, 15 min. 

Initiating a Granger, farce, 25 min. 

In the Dark, farce, 25 min 

In the Wrong House, farce, 20 m. 

Irish Linen Peddler, farce, 40 min. 

Is the Editor In, farce, 20 min.... 

I'll Stay Awhile, farce, 20 min.... 

Ici on Parle Francais, farce, 40 in.. 

I'm not Mesilf at All, farce, 25 m. 

John Smith, farce, 30 min 

Just my Luck, farce, 20 min 

Kansas Immigrants, farce, 20 m.. . 

Kiss in the Dark, farce, 30 m 

Louva the Pauper, drama, 5 acts, 1 
hr. 43 min 

Love and Rain, 20 min 

Larkins' Love Letters, farce, 50 m. 

Lady of Lyons, 5 acts. 2 hrs. 30 m. 

Limerick Boy, farce, 30 min 

Lost in London, drama, 3 acts, 1 h. 

45 • 

London Assurance, comedy, 5 acts, 

2 hrs. 30 min 

Lucky Sixpence, farce, 30 min 

Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 min.. 
Michael Erie, drama, 2 acts, 1 hr. 

30 min 

Mike Donovan, a farce, 15 min.. . 
Mitsu-Yu Nissi, Japanese W T ed- 

ding, 1 hr., 15 min 

Model of a Wife, farce, 23 min... . 
Movement Cure, farce, 15 min. ... 
Irs Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 min. 

"sses Beers, farce, 25 min 

■ Wife's Relations, comedy, 1 hr 

Jeremiah, farce, 20 min 

urn Next, farce. 50 min... . 
^ighbor's Wife, farce, 45 min 
ch a Fool as He Looks, com- 
\ acts, 2 hrs 



M. F. 


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On Guard, farce, 25 min 4 

Only Daughter, drama, 3 acts, 1 

hr. 15 min 5 

Our Country, drama, 3 acts, 1 nr.. 10 

Odds with Enemy, 5 acts, 2 hrs. ... 7 
On the Brink, temperance drama, 

2 acts, 2 hrs . 12 

Out in the Streets, 1 h. 15 min 6 

Pet of Parsons' Ranch, frontier 

drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs 9 . 

Pets of Society, farce, 30 mm o 

Pull Back, farce, 20 min o 

Pocahontas, musical burlesque, 1 hr 10 

Parlor Entertainment, 25 min 2 

Played and Lost, sketch, 15 min.. . 3 

Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min.... 6 

Quiet Family, farce, 45 min 4 

Regular Fix, farce, 50 min... 6 

Rough Diamond, farce, 40 min... . 4 

Silent Woman, farce, 25 min a 

Solon Shingle, comedy, 1 hr. 30 m.. 7 - 
Soldier of Fortune, comedy, 5 acts, 

2 hrs. 20 min 8 

Seth Greenback, drama, 4 acts, 1 

hr. 15 min.... 7 

Schoolma'am (The), drama, 4 acts, 

1 hr. 45 min 6 

Slasher and Crasher, 1 hr. 15 min.. 5 

Squeers' School, sketch, iS min. .. 4 
Sparkling Cup, temperance drama 

5 acts, 2 hrs- 12 

Taming a Tiger, farce, 20 min ... 3 
That Rascal Pat. farce, 35 min ... 3 
Too Much Good Thing, 50 min.. . 3 
Twenty Minutes Under an Um- 
brella, 20 min 1 

Two Gents in a Fix, farce, 20 min. 2 

Two Puddifoots, farce, 40 min 3 
Ticket of Leave Man, drama, 4 

acts, 2 hrs. 45 min. S 

Turn Him Out, farce, 50 min 3 

Toodles, drama, 2 acts, 1 hr. 15 m. 6 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- 
perance drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs. .. 11 
Two Ghosts in White, sketch 25 m o 
Uncle Dick's Mistake, farce, 20 m. 3 
Under the Laurels, drama, 5 acts, 

1 hr. 45 min .. 5 

Wanted a Correspondent, farce, 1 h 4 

Wide Enough for Two, farce, 50 m 5 

Which Will He Marry farce, 30 m 2 
Won at Last, comedy, 3 acts, 1 hr. 

45 m • 7 

Wonderful Letter, farce^ 2$ min.. 4 
Women of I.owenburg, historical 

sketch, 5 scenes. 50 min. .... . . 10 

Wooing Under Difficulties, 35 min. 4 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs ... 8 



ALTA SERIES — 25c. each. 



Beggar Venus, play, 2 hrs. 30 min. 6 
Early Vows, comedy, 1 hr .. .. 4 
From Sumter to Appomattox, mili- 
tary play, 2 hrs. 30 min ... 6 
Shadow Castle, play, 2 hrs 30 min. 5 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., comedy, 
2 hrs. 30 m 7 



ENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicag< 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



A COMEDY IN ONE ACT. 



ADAPTED FROM THE GERMAN OF. BENEDIX BY 

An 



HILTON BURNSIDE SONNEBORN, 

Author of "The Wedding Trip," "The Woman Hater," Etc. 



>77*7 V 



f 



CHICAGO: 
T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 
163 Randolph Street. 



mm 



m v : s CAST. ^SB>-» 

EDITH STEVENS A Young Heiress. 

EX-JUDGE BEVERLY ROBINSON 

A Prominent Lawyer, her Guardian. 

MRS. CARROLL, The Housekeeper (one who knows it all.) 

MORTIMER HURD A Labor Agitator. 

DENNIS BYRXES Hod-carrier and Walking Delegate. 

FRITZ RUECKER .Brewer and Socialist. 

MINNIE , A Servant. 



CAPTAIN OF POLICE. 
SCENE— A well-furnished Parlor. 
PERIOD— First of May. TIME— 7 P. M. 



Duration of Performance, 45 minutes. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R means right, as the actor faces the audience; L, left; (7, center; 
R C, right center; D F, door in flat; RUE, right upper entrance, etc. 

Can be played in any ordinary room. 



Copyright, 1890, by T. S. Denison. 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Scene.— A richly tapestried room and elegant furniture. Principal 
entrance at backR. €. doors, R. and L.; window, E. In front of sofa L, y 
a small table with burning lamp. At back, C. table with candlesticks to 
the R. of sofa and sewing table. 

Edith sitting on sofa, crocheting; at her side Ex-Judge Robinson. 

Robinson. And you persist with your "No?" 
Edith. I persist. 

Robinson. What counter arguments do you offer to all my logical 
reasoning? 

Edith. I have but one answer — which answers all: I do not love 
you! 

Robinson ipffi uded). You do not love me! Wherein have I made 
myself so objectionable to you; wherein merited your hatred? 

Edith. Oh, how you exaggerate ! Who spoke of hatred? You are 
my guardian, have faithfully managed my estate — have educated and 
protected me; for all that I feel very grateful. I admire and honor 
you; but this gratitude, admiration, and so on, is not love, at least not 
the love which 1 must feel for a husband. 

Robinson {excitedly). From your dissertation on love, you lead me 
to suppose that you have already tasted its sweets. (Edith turns her 
head to one side. ) 

Robinson. You live in seclusion; as far as I know, do not associate 
with men. Answer me, Edith, have you ever experienced love? 

Edith {striking an attitude and cunning). Ex-Judge and guardian, 
when you once get to be gray -haired, then you can exact love confes- 
sions from young girls! 

Robinson. But you are my ward. 

Edith {smiling) Yes, but my heart is not under your guardianship. 

Robinson ((catching her). Your repartee is good; I like your cunning 
replies, but be sensible, Edith! All your objections to me are merely 
youthful imaginations. Consider — and you will And it best. to give me 
your hand and heart. {Calmly.) I am but forty years of age, have a 
well-paying clientage, and am familiar with the management of your — 

Edith {interrupting). Why rehearse what we have so often disposed 
of? You know I appreciate all the points in your favor. Thousands 
of girls would consider themselves happy, indeed, to become your wife; 
you see, my mind is entirely on your side! 

Robinson {surprised and anxious). Well? 

Edith. But my heart is not! And, strange to say, whenever there 



4 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



has been a dispute in me between mind and heart, the mind always has 
yielded. Have you never heard of similar cases'? 

Robinson {perplexed, pauses; then with melo-dramatic intensity), 
About eight years ago your father departed from this world, and left 
me guardian over you and Charles. His last words were (solemnly): 
"Beverly, tried and proven friend! I trust into your hands the fate of 
my children. Perhaps you may some day win Edith's heart. I will 
bless your union from above!" 

Edith (seriously). Do not quote my good father; his memory is too 
dear. 

Robinson {impressively). But, Edith, it was his will that you should 
become my wife. 

Edith {aggramtingly). As you still insist on harping on my father's 
words, I will tell you my opinion: My father was too good and sensible 
to interfere with the future life of his children, and I do honor to the 
will of the departed by following my own convictions. 

Robinson (tmpltaticaUy). They are his own words,. ''Perhaps you 
may some day win Edith's heart.*' 

Edith (cneerfully). Yes. But this perhaps has not taken place ; you 
have not won my heart. 

Robinson. Pshaw! Edith, you are continually speaking of love, 
heart, or some such thing. (Angrily.) I have long suspected — 

Edith (astonishedly). Suspected! 

Robinson (watching her intently — then affectionately). Since your 
father's demise, I have looked upon you as the woman who would 
some day be my wife. I have, so to say, educated you for this purpose, 
and — you knew it, Edith — and have never shown the least sign of objec- 
tion to my wish. To-day, for the first time in eight long years, I give 
utterance to this latent feeling, and you absolutely and decidedly — 

Edith (interrupting). Your decided wooing* calls for a decided 
answer. 

Robinson (vexed). Aha! I have long suspected — 
Edith (interrupting). Who? 
Robinson. Mr. Mortimer Hurd! 
(Edith remains silent.) 

Robinson. You remain silent? Aha! my suspicions are verified by 
that silence! (Tragically^) Now I understand it all; no wonder you 
remained for hours in your brother's room. (Points to L.) Yes, 
{sneering), the noise on the street amused you; the view from here to 
the garden (points to the window) was so tiring, so ennnyant. 

Edith (saucily). And have I not a perfect right in my brother's 
room ? 

Robinson (pauses — then jumping up). To sum up: You prefer a 
stranger to an old and proven friend. 
Edith. I did not say so. 

Robinson (reseats himself). Hm! when does a girl say what she 
means? 

Edith (ironiccdly). Why, you yourself taught me, "One should not 
say all one knows." 

Robinson (losing his self-command and jumping up from sofa — tragi- 
colly). Enough, Edith! I accept the fact — I rest my case. Your for- 
tune is to be managed by that fellow. Mortimer Hurd — a man who 



WHO TOLD THE LIE ? 



5 



seeks notoriety as candidate of the Labor party — {bitterly) this blood- 
thirsty socialist is to occupy the place made vacant by your father's 
trusted friend — 

Edith {anxiously). Why, what are you talking about? I have not 
said a — 

Robinson (interrupting). I know it without your confession; but 
remember, Edith, I still have a word to say. Without my consent you 
cannot marry ! 

Edith {impressively). Ex- Judge Beverly Robinson and Trustee of 
the Stevens' Estate! (Intonates every word.) To-morrow is my birthday 
— to-morrow I will be of age. (Shows him the watch triumphantly.) 
Still five hours! At midnight your reign ends! 

Robinson But, Edith! be sensible — yield! 

Edith But, Mr. Guardian, you be sensible, you yield! 

Enter Minnie C, dressed, neatly in calico dress, apron and cap. 

Minnie (out of breath). Oh, Judge! Oh, Judge! 
Robinson What is the trouble? 

Minn ik (fidgeting about in great excitement). Revolt! Massacre! 
Shooting! 
Edith. Shooting? 

Minnie. Fes, Judge, the entire town is in uproar; mobs are form- 
ing at every corner. The militia is being called out. Come to the 
front to hear the shooting! 

Robinson. And I must be orf to take charge of my company! 

Edith. And am I to remain without a protector? Will these labor 
difficulties never be adjusted? Oh, if only Charley were home! 

Robinson. Ah! you see how necessary my presence seems to you 
now. I shall be back soon. (Drumming is heard.) 

Minnie (at the window). Oh, Judge, do you hear them drumming? 

Robinson Yes. that's the last call. Confounded peace disturbers! 
One is not master of one's own time. Good-night, Edith! I will send 
you word how matters progress. (Exit rapidly C.) 

Mw*xK(itttpo)'ta?it!y and aside). How my nerves are shocked! But 
I am getting used to these alarms — no end to this continual uproar. I'll 
wager the police get worsted this time! 

Edith. How will it all end ! The idea of equa4 rights is a proper 
and noble one; but why must it be enforced by bloodshed — at the cost 
of -human lives? 

Minn i k (at window). Don't be afraid, Miss (pointing), there is a gang 
of mischievous boys creating this noise. 

Edith. Yes, but it may grow serious. It always commences in this 
way; oh, how I shudder to think of blood. If only Charley were back, 
I would go far away from here — the scenes of strife! 

Minn ik (important — laughs). But where would you go? There 
isn't a quiet spot anywiiere — why, even in military Germany there are 
disturbances. But speaking of your brother reminds me of the letter 
I have for you, which was left. (Hands her the letter and walks to L.) 

Edith (examining letter). Not by mail! Oh, no. (Reads.) Through- 
courtesy of M. M. (To Mjnnie.) Where are you going? 



6 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Minnie. In Mr. Charles' room, to get a better view and see what is 
going on. Back here one is entirely cut off from the world. 

Edith. All right; but leave the light, because the mob would cer- 
tainly smash in the windows, if they were lit up. 

( Minnie places light on table and exit L.) 

Edith {alone — opens letter and scans contents). In only four weeks he 
will return. Oh, that's an eternity! I will yet have many a hard rub 
with my guardian. (Pausing). Oh, yes, Mr. Guardian, you are a clever 
fellow; but I am shrewd enough to see through you: your principal 
motive in courting me is to get possession of my money — the girl is 
secondary. But, you see, I know the value of this little person, and 
will wait for a man who will marry the girl and to whom the money is 
secondary. (Frightens.) Hark! what do I hear? Voices in the garden! 

( Walks unconcerned to the windou, opens it and retreats hastily to the 
sofa, shouting; puts letter on seicing table.) 

Edith (in agony and terror). Good God! who is that? 

Enter Dennis Byrnes through window; he is dressed in blue overalls and 
jumper, has turkey red bandana, and sandy whiskers. 

Byrnes. Don't yer yell, missus; I'll not hurt yer! 
Edith. But how dare you intrude ? 

Byrnes. Do not git scared, marm! (Jumps into the center of the 
room and admiringly gazes about.) It's a foine plaze, to be shure! 

Edith (nervously). But what do you want — pray tell me! (Frantic.) 
And here's more. 

Enter Fritz Ruecker, through window; he wears light jean pants, velvet 
rest, red flannel shirt — has neither coat nor hat m on — panting and trem- 
bling. 

Ruecker. Ai vos innocent, Madomm! Ai shwear so! 

Edith (agitated). I shall call for help. (Runs toward rear, but is 
intercepted by Byrnes.) 

Byrnes (stops her without hurting her). Begging yer parding, we're 
not tiefs — we're strikers — sure, we are that! 

Ruecker (comes closer). Yes, Madomm! We're vos shtrikers, and 
ai haf a families of seven childrens! 

Edith (indignant and calling violently). Minnie! Minnie! 

BYRNes. But missus, be carm, and Oi'll tark to yer. 

Re-enter Minnie, L. 
Minnie. What is up here? 

Edith. Come over here, dear Minnie, to me. Look at these strange 
men -they came through the window. 

Minnie. We can soon help ourselves. Company A of the 7th 
Regiment has just made a halt before our door— I'll call them! (Starts 
for the door). 

Byrnes (helds her). Ah, don't yer do it, marm— Oi'm an honest man! 
Ruecker. Oh, I shwear! Ai haf never shtole any dinks— Ai was an 
honest mann! De odders I don know. 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



7 



Mortimer Hurd (appears in window, well dressed). Pst! Pst! 
Edith. Still another! (Recognizes him.) Oh! 

"Enter Mortimer Hurd— ^ jumps through window. 

Mortimer {surprised). Where am I? 
Minnie. In a regular circus! Ha! ha! 

Mortimer {hurriedly walks toward Edith). Pardon me! I was not 
aware that I was intruding upon you. Can you ever forgive me for 
this untimely invasion? 

(Byrnes is acting sentinel, refusing to let Minnie escape, Ruecker is 
kneeling before Edith with folded hands. Minnie stands behind Edith ) 

Edith (majestically). Sir! At this hour? In this manner*! And in 
this company? 

Mortimer (agitated). Two words will explain our position — you 
can then pass sentence upon the guilty. The police were clubbing a 
mob at the square, and we were unfortunately looking on; as usual, the 
lookers-on — 

Ruecker (inter ruptingly). Yea, I alvess voss unfortuned! 

Mortimer {continuing). Were arrested, and the participants and 
real assailants of the police managed to get away. As I said, we were 
arrested and escorted toward the jail; but the posse was again attacked 
at Drummond Avenue, and we succeeded in running away, although 
they followed closely upon our trail, until we got on to the premises of 
this man (points at Ruecker), whom we mysteriously purloined; from 
his back yard we climbed into yonder square and then into this garden. 
Knowing no other avenue of escape, as the militia had already en- 
circled your garden and house, when I looked up here, I noticed the 
light in your window, and hoped to find an asy — 

Byrnes. Shure, mum, do yer think we ain't never got no rights? 
Eight hours* work is inuff fura man! 

Ruecker. We vos forced to go wid dem! Dat fellow dere — dat 
dynamiter— he vos the wursht! 

Mortimer. But (hesitatingly), we are causing you alarm— we will 
leave. 

Minnie (listens with Byrnes at the door). Be quiet! There are 
strange voices down stairs. Pst! 

Byrnes {whispers to Minnie). Begorrah! they be putting the 
bayonets on — 

Ruecker I hderruptingly — crying). Oh! den I mus' go in chail — my 
vif, — my childrens! 

Minnie. The captain is distributing orders. 

Mortimer. We must linger here no longer. I would not have you 
molested on our account. Forward! boys — out of the window again! 

Edith. But you will certainly be caught ! 

Mortimer. Better arrested than to cause you trouble. 

Edith (with emphasis). Remain! 

Mortimer (surprised). What ! You will save us? 

Edith (hesitatingly). I would -if I knew how. 

Minnie (importantly). Captain Rig has taken possession of the en- 
tram to our house. 

Byrnes. Now, doant go agin us, marm — shure, doant! 



8 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Ruecker. Please hide me, madomm! 

Edith. I do not see how I can safely hide you in my rooms; sup- 
posing they search them? 

Mortimer. And that will certainly be done — the police know that 
we are either in the garden or the house. 

Minnie {looks out of window R.). Captain Rig and two sergeants 
with lanterns are searching the garden. 

Edith. Oh! what a predicament I am in. What Gan I do? 

Ruecker. An ai vos innocent — ai shwear so! 

Mortimer. Treat us as your guests. 

Edith {happily). Splendid idea! {To Mortimer, tenderly.) Will 
you stay for tea? Minnie, serve tea! This gentleman — {notices 
Byrne and Ruecker), but these gentlemen — 

Mortimer {interrupting). I understand your hint — you allude to my 
comrades. Sure, they have not the appearance of visitors; but couldn't 
you disguise them? 

Edith. A capital suggestion! Minnie, show this gentleman {points 
to Byrnes) to my brother's room, and give him Mr. Charles' dress 
suit. 

Byrnes. I doairt so much moind that! ( Walks toward Minnie.) 
Ruecker. An' jne innocent ! Ai cannot shtay in der sofar in die se 

clos' ! 

Minnie. Just come along with me, I'll give you John's new livery 
• suit; it has never been worn. 

Ruecker {insulted). Liveri — a coachman! Ai vos ein beerbrauer — a 
fader of childrens. Liveri! oh no — nix kom raus! 

Minnie. You prefer being arrested? 

Ruecker. Arrestirt! no, no — gif me de livery! 

(Byrnes, Ruecker and Minnie exit L,) 

Mortimer {retreating a few steps and coughing). Ahem! Ahem! Miss 
Stevens! Ahem! 

Edith {embarrassed). Sir! 

Mortimer {coughing loudly). Ahem! The peculiar circum- 
stances under which I appear before you embarrass me, and still — 
ahem! — still I have so much to tell you. 

Edith. I do not understand — 

Mortimer {interrupting). Since six weeks ago — the very first time 
I saw you at your window — I have had a burning desire to see you 
closer— to speak to you — to be able to tell you — ahem! — that — 

Edith. Hist! I hear footsteps! 

Mortimer {passionately). I hear naught, see naught, this moment, 
but you ! 

Edith. Excuse me — my servant is coming. 

Re-enter Minnie L.. has blouse and overalls of Byrnes and vest and 
jean pants tff Ruecker. 

Edith. Where are you going, Minnie? 

Minnie. While the gentlemen are dressing, I want to hide these 
pants and blouses, for fear they would awaken suspicion, if seen. 
Edith. All right. Bring the tea at once. 

Minnie {bows). Right away, Miss Edith. {Exit R.) 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



9 



Mortimer (confidently). Miss Stevens, why should I make an intro- 
duction to my speech? You know what I am going to say— ahem — 
you know — ahem! — that — {stammering) that I love you! 

Edith (shocked). But, Mr. Hurd! 

Mortimer (more confidently) Aha! You have even inquired after 
my name ? Yes, for you have noticed that to me the dearest place in 
town was my window, from which I could see and observe you. You 
have felt how I loved to be in your presence when you watered the 
flowers at your window, wiien you fed the canary, and when you sat 
hidden behind the flowers crocheting, and now and then turning your 
sweet face to me. 

Edith (evasively). But, sir, such words! 

Mortimer. You dislike my forwardness; the peculiar circum- 
stances form my excuse. For weeks I have prepared myself for the 
moment when we should meet, for weeks I have subdued a feeling 
which I should now give vent to, but can find no words to give expres- 
sion. (Passionately.) All my preparation was for naught. Your 
presence awes! I know but the one phrase — I love you! 

Edith. But, Mr. Hurd! I dare not listen to such words from the 
lips of a man who has not been introduced to me — and then we are lia. 
ble to be surprised at any moment. 

Mortimer. Be it as it may, I can no longer remain silent. Blessed 
be this adventure that has brought me to you! Who knows when I 
would have had the fortune of being introduced? (Pausing, and then 
mare passionately .) You responded to my flirtations, and I imagined 
that your first look when you approached the window was over to mine, 
to see if I were there; ami mistaken? You know my name, conse- 
quently you inquired after me; you learned that I live in flourishing 
circumstances. If I now pledge you my sincere love and appeal to you 
for its reciprocation, will you reject my wooing? I await your reply, 
be it but a single word. 

Edith (gravely). Mr. Hurd! A maiden's heart is not stolen, like a 
bird from a bush. 

Mortimer. Even this answer satisfies me; you do not say "No." 
Yes, I was not mistaken— those noble eyes could not deceive. You 
made me long so much for an answer to my many letters! 

Edith (astonished). Letters —your letters? 

Mortimer. In which I begged for interviews, asking for your heart 
and hand — 

Edith (in great astonishment). I never received any letters! 

Mortimer (surprised). No? Why, I delivered them personally to 
your servant. They were all signed, "Your True Admirer." 

Edith. I never received any — ha! (aside) my guardian — 

Mortimer. You have not received any letters? And still you are 
not angry with me for my forwardness. You show me far more sym- 
pathy than even I had expected. Dearest girl, give me your hand! 

Edith {listening at the door). But, I beg you — 

Mortimer. I want nothing more at present; but give me your 
hand, Miss Edith. (Edith gives her hand). 

Mortimer (kisses it). I am at the goal of my fondest hopes — at the 
realization of my most fervent wishes! 

Edith (seriously). Don't be too triumphant! The hand is often 



10 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



given to a man out of mere politeness. You are sueing for my neart, 
aren't you? And you believe I would trust it to such a reckless man? 

Mortimer. Reckless? Love for you alone has made me reckless. 

Edith. You do not understand! How do you appear before me? 
As a criminal who is eluding justice. And in what company do you 
force yourself at night into private dwellings? What anxiety you have 
already caused me! 

Mortimer. The last, in truth, is a misdemeanor, an unpardonable 
one; the others I do not recognize as such. 

Edith. What ! And you took part in a public revolt; part and par- 
cel in a violent mob? 

Mortimer. Oh, Miss Edith, the affair was not so serious; it wa 
only a hoax, to tease those Sunday soldiers, the militia — 

Edith (interrupting). Yes, but this hoax excites the entire town, 
throws thousands of women, whose husbands hurry to the scene of 
conflict, into fright ! You may have to pay dearly for such fun. 

Mortimer. Scold me! dear girl — you are right. I like to be scolded 
by you. It demonstrates to me that you interest yourself in my behalf. 
Am I really something to you? 

Edith (vexed). You are "a man, like all men, full of conceit; always 
making capital for yourselves. 

Mortimer. And am I not justified in my conceit? 

Edith (starts up in alarm). Did you hear a knock? 

Mortimer. I believe I heard something. 

Edith. But who can it be? 

Mortimer (quickly). Fear nothing — I am with you! (Knocking i 
again heard.) 

Edith. Come in! 
En ter Mrs. Carroll, a middle aged woman, dressed flashily \ C. 

Mrs. Carroll. Good evening, Miss — (Sarcastically). Aha! Fm 
intruding ! 

Edith (embarrassed). This gentleman — 

Mrs. Carroll (interrupting, very ironically). Oh, please, that is 
none of my business! Of course, I presumed you would be alone, as 
your guardian is on duty, and your brother in Paris. 

Edith (confused). But I tell you, this gentle — 

Mrs. Carroll (again interrupting?}. Oh, never mind, Miss; it is 
none of my affairs. I simply wanted to notify you that three runaway 
criminals must have entered this house, and that they are being 
searched for. They have entered the roof. You will soon receive a 
call from the officers. Yon need not get frightened, Miss, for I have 
prepared you. Ahem! I hope you will enjoy yourself, and pass a 
pleasant evening. 

Edith. Mrs. Carroll, you say that in such a sarcastic tone — 

Mrs. Carroll (always interrupting). Why, not at all sarcastic; I'm 
sure it does not concern «ie. 

Edith. You need not deny that you find it strange that I have 
gentleman company at night, especially one you do not know. 

Mrs. Carroll (endeavoring to conceal her anger). Oh no! it isn't 
strange. 

Edith (continuing). In order to help your inquisitiveness at 
arriving at a positive conclusion, I will aid you with the information 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



11 



that this gentleman — {pauses a moment) has been sent by my guardian. 

Mrs. Carroll {puzzled). From your guardian? 

Edith {smiling). Yes. Further, my guardian will be absent all 
night, and has requested me to hand this gentleman some legal papers 
which he will need in the morning. 

Mrs. Carroll. Well, I surmised something of that sort. You are 
entirely mistaken if you thought I was sarcastic. 

Edith. You have heard the entire affair — 

. Mrs. Carroll {again interrupting). I would not have thought it 
wrong, Miss — not at all. Don't get frightened when Captain Rig calls, 
he is a real pleasant man. Good-night! Sleep well! {Exit C.) 

Mortimer. Hu! What a bitter tongue! 

Edith (ruefully). What an embarrassment I was in! Oh! and I told 
a lie — for your sake. {Meditating.) This is the first lie I have ever 
told. 

Mortimer. And are you angry with me? 
Edith. Have I not cause? 

Mortimer. You have indeed! (Looking around and with earnest- 
ness). I must leave you! I prefer being arrested to further compro- 
mising you. (Starts to go.) 

Edith (stops him gently). What! You want to go? Run into the 
arms of the police — stand trial as a rioter? 

Mortimer. Yes, and that would involve my going to jail, and 
there, oh! Miss Edith, I could not see you. 

Edith (resolutely). Be sensible, Mr. Hurd, remain here! 

Mortimer. But when the captain comes and asks for us, you will 
have to — 

Edith (sighing). Tell another lie. Do you deserve that I burden 
my conscience with sins for your sake ? 

Mortimer (pleading, passionately). No, dear, dear Miss Edith ! But 
I will strive to become deserving. 

Edith. Of my lies? 

Mortimer. No; of your sacrifices. 

He-enter Minnie R. , carrying a large tray with tea service. 

Minnie (as she enters). They are coming; t hear them talking to 
Mrs. Carroll. 

Edith (nervously). Where are your accomplices? 

Mortimer. Excuse me. (Walks to L. and opens door, calling.) 
Hurry up, boys! 

Re-enter Byrnes, dressed in swallow-tail coat; instead of former beard lie 
now wears chin beard. 

Byrnes. I'm here; the brewer is coming. 
Edith (nervously). Set the table quickly, Minnie! 

(Minnie puts dishes on small table in front of sofa.) 

Mortimer (laughingly to Byrnes), Worthy citizen, you look splen- 
did! The day will come when you'll go to work in such a costume! 

Byrnes (in the center). Aw! Oi couldn't carry the hod in this 'ere 
coat ! 

Mortimer. What tonsorial artist trimmed your beard? 



12 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Byrnes. Shure, Oi thawt the baird would give me away, and O 1 
took me jackknife an' shure Oi cut it arf — shure Oi did! 

Mortimer. Practical, old man, you're all right! 

Byrnes. An', be jabers! who am Oi to be? Oi must know, s'pos"' 
they arsk me. 

Mortimer {snapping his finger). Ah! That did not occur to m 
You may have to answer some questions. 

Edith. And the— the broad accent of the gentleman might gi 
them a clue. 

Mortimer. Noble, worthy plebiean, walking delegate, dynamite 
and so on ! Can't you leave off your brogue ? 

Byrnes (insulted). Oi tark the way me modder tawt me ! 

Edith. That will never do! The dress and — 

Mortimer (interrupting). The language. H'm! I've an idea! ( 
Byrnes). You don't need to speak at all, you down-trodden memb 
of the human race! We'll represent you as a Frenchman who doesn 
understand English. 

Byrnes (happily). Not tark at all! Oi kin do that— sure I kin! 

Mortimer. Just sit down at the table, drink tea and eat cake. 

Byrnes. Ate cake? Oi'll bet Oi'll ate cake! (Sits down opposi 
sofa.) 

Mortimer. If anybody speaks to you, answer: Oui (ow we) 
Yes ! 

Byrnes. Begorrah! an' wuden't yer repate dat agin? 
Mortimer. Oui! 

Byrnes (repeats) We— us, be jabers! 

Mortimer. No, not us, you simpleton ! We! 

Byrnes. Oi undershtand now — We and us. 

Mortimer (aside). I hope the captain does not speak French; 
will have to risk it, (Aloud.) I think everything will pass off well, 
will represent a stranger in, town; nobody knows me. 

Edith (trembling). Oh, I feel so anxious! 

Mortimer. You frighten me ! There is still time for us to esca 
through the window. Say the word! 
Edith (determined). No — never! 
Mortimer (tenderly). Then be courageous! 

Re-enter Ruecker L., dressed in stylish livery, his face hid by standing 

collar. 

Ruecker. I vas here, too, now; but dem close dem hurts! 
Minnie. Come this way. What is your name? 
Ruecker. Fritz Ruecker; I vos de innocend beer brauer, de fader 
of— 

Minnie. Of seven children — yes, I know that part! Now, Mr. 
Ruecker, you will assist me in waiting on the folks. 

Ruecker (insulted). Yait? I vos no vaiter — I, a beer brauer! Dat 
fellow dere — dat common Irish hod carrier, Maying de foks, and I be 
de vaiter — oh, no, dat goes not down ! 

Mortimer. Take your choice; you want to be arrested? 

Ruecker. Mine Gott ! you knows dat Ai vos innocend ! 

Byrnes (rising, threatens with fist). Shut up, ye Dutchman! or I'll 
make your eyes look Irish! 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



13 



uecker {frightened). Yes you vill — not if I knows it! 
ortimer. Stop this nonsense ! Both do as you are told ! 
Ruecker. Ya wohl! I do every dings yo say. {Helps Minnie 
waiting on Byrnes.) 

Edith {alarmed). But Mr. Hurd, what is our programme? We 
must all agree. Let us' quickly talk it over. 
Minnie. I hear footsteps — they're coming! 

Mortimer {serious). It is too late! Be courageous; answer all ques- 
tions on the spur of the moment. {Leads her to the sofa and sits down.) 
Edith (sits down). Oh, I am so arfraid! 
Mortimer. Courage! (Knocking on the door is heard.) 
Edith. Come in! 

Enter Police Captain, in full uniform, with fatigue cap. In front of 
door a cordon of police to be seen C. 

Captain. Excuse me for intruding upon your privacy. 
Edith. You wish to search the house ? Minnie, show the Captain 
into the adjoining rooms. 
Minnie (opens door L.). Here, Mr. Captain! 
Captain (looks into room). There is no one here ! 

(Byrnes devouring a large amount of cake. Ruecker munches a piece of 
sugar. Minnie shows Captain into room B.) 

Captain (looks in). And here no one! 

Edith (forced laugh). Have you found my rooms empty? 
(Byrnes eating and drinking heartily . Ruecker helps them to cake, 
trembling. Mortimer talks tenderly to Edith.) 

Edith {laughing). You see, Captain, the runaways did not come to 
me. 

Captain (seriously). I see. You must excuse me; it was my duty to 
examine your premises. 
Edith (pleasantly). No apology is necessary. 

Captain (looking at Byrnes and Ruecker). It's queer; the house 
and garden have been surrounded. I can't perceive how they could 
have escaped, and yet there is no trace of them to be found in this 
house. 

Edith. Perhaps they got over the roof. 
Captain. Impossible; the house stands alone. 
Edith. Have you searched every place ? 
Captain. Your rooms were the last to be searched. 
Edith. And your search was in vain. 

Captain (suddenly altering his manner). Ahem! My duty, Miss, 
urges me to put one more question. 
Edith (astonished). And that is? 

Captain. I do not deny being surprised to find you entertaining 
some gentlemen. 

Edith (provoked). But I am sure I have a perfect right to have 
gentlemen for tea! 
Captain. Undoubtedly ! 

Ed.ith, What seems suspicious about my company? 
Mortimer. Yes, what seems suspicious? 



14 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Captain. Miss Stevens, I am an intimate friend of Ex-Judge Robin- 
son, your guardian, and know your habits pretty well. I well know, 
that in the absence of Mr. Charles Stevens, your brother, you never 
indulge in gentlemen company. You will therefore not be astonished 
at my surprise at seeing gentlemen here to-night. * Besides, your house- 
keeper, Mrs. Carroll, whom I asked to notify you of my coming, told 
me there was a gentleman at your house, and now I find two. 

Edith (angrily). When Mrs. Carroll called, this gentleman (points to 
Byrnes) was in my brother's room watching the manoeuvres on the 
street. 

Captain. I don't doubt it; but — ahem! — I must ask the gentlemen 
for their names. 

Edith. Permit me, Captain, to rob this proceeding of its police 
court aspect. I will introduce you to my guests. By the by, this 
gentleman (points to Byrnes) could not understand your questions, for 
he knows no language but French — Monsieur Murgez, an artist from 
Paris, whom my brother had burdened with a message to me, and in 
reciprocation of his kindness I asked him to tea. N'est ce pas. 
Monsieur? 

Byrnes. We — we ! 

Captain. Oh, yes! 

Edith (continuing). And this gentleman (points to Mortimer) met 
Monsieur Murgez at Havre, where both stopped at the same hotel. 
Seeing that he understands French, and Monsieur Murgez does not 
speak English, he kindly served him as guide and interpreter. 

Mortimer. Exactly so, sir; and we regret very much that our pres- 
ence has caused the young lady annoyance, and had we surmised — 

Captain (to Mortimer). Your name? 

Edith (quickly introducing him). Mr. Arthur "Welch. 

Captain. Where are you stopping? 

Mortimer. At the Hotel Vendome. 

Captatn. Good. And these gentlemen were at your house when 
the trouble began? 
Edith. They came about that time. 

Captain. But they were here before the militia took possession. 
Edith. Yes. 

Captain (taking out a memorandum book), And you have seen no 
trace of the fugitives — a young well dressed man and two laborers? 
Edith. Not the slightest! 

Captain (pointing to Ruecker). And that is your servant? 
Edith. Yes. 

Captain. I am satisfied. (Makes some notes in book). Pardon me 
for having molested you. 
Edith. Certainly! Minnie, show the Captain out. (Minnie opens 

rear door. C. ) 

Re-enter Ex- Judge Rorinson, in militia uniform, C. 

Robinson (sighing). Back again! What means this? (Seems 

puzzled.) 

Edith (aside). All is lost! (Mortimer tries to hide his face.) 
Robinson (bitterly). You have company for tea, Edith? Strange, 
isn't it, during my absence? And you, Captain? 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



15 



Captain. . You have no doubt already heard about the search which 
I instigated? 
Robinson. Yes. 

Captain. That necessitated my entering your house; but I find no 
trace of the men here. 
Robinson. But Edith, what means this — 

Captain {interrupting). That is all right, Judge. This gentleman 
has brought Miss Edith a message from her brother in Paris, and this 
second gentleman served him as guide. 
Robinson (anxious). And this servant? 
Captain. Is the servant of Miss Stevens, as she has told me. 
Robinson (to Edith). Since when do you keep servants that I do 
not know of? 

Captain (suspicious). What! you do not know him? 
Robinson. No, sir! Edith never had a man servant, and her 
brother's servant has accompanied him abroad. 
Captain. How is that, Miss? 

Edith. It's simply a misunderstanding. This is Monsieur Murgez 's 
servant, who has been kind enough to make himself useful. 
Captain. But you said he was your servant. 

Edith. Oh, no! You asked me: Is that a servant? And I 
answered: Yes! 
Captain. I asked expressly: Is that your servant? 
Edith. Well, then, I misunderstood you. 

Captain (pulls out his memorandum book again), Miss, this matter is 
thoroughly mixed up ! I hope you have not — ahem ! And now I must 
beg these gentlemen for their further identification. (To Byrnes). 
Can you identify yourself? 

Byrnes (nodding assent). We — we ! 

Edith. That gentleman does not understand you. 

Captain (aside to Robinson). Do you speak French? 

Robinson (aside to Captain). Not a syllable ! 

Captain (to Robinson). How unfortunate ! 

Robinson (to Captain). I should have learned it while at school, 
but I thought it superfluous, confound it! and how useful it would 
prove in this case ! 

Captain (aloud to Byrnes). You certainly have papers of identifica- 
ion on your person ? 
Edith (laughing)) Although I may spoil your cross-examination, I 
nd it necessary to come to your aid. (To Byrnes.) Warez-wus pas 
lettres dam voire pochef 
Byrnes. Out/ Ouif 

Edith. Monsieur Murgez changed his clothes just before leaving 
he hotel, he regrets very much that all his papers are there ; but that 
eminds me, I have the letter which Monsieur Murgez brought from my 
rother — that will serve as evidence. 

Captain. A letter! 

Edith (fetches letter from setving table). Here you are, Captain! (Rands 
it to him.) 

Captain (examines it — aside to Robinson). The letter bears no 
postmark — no — oh! "Through the kindness of M. M."; evidently has 
been delivered personally, 



16 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



Robinson (aside), It might be an old one. 

Captain (aloud). Miss, may I look at the date? 

Edith. You are very particular, Captain; but in order to protect my 
guests from further annoyance, I will not object. 

Captain (opens the letter). Paris, the 24th — (Aside.) To-day is the 
1st of May — that's seven days. (Aloud.) Perfectly satisfactory! (To 
Byrnes.) On what steamer did you arrive? 

Edith. Monsieur Murgez left Paris on the 24th, and Havre on the 
same day, on "La Bretagne," arriving this morning. 

Captain. I am satisfied with the evidence submitted as regards 
Monsieur — and no doubt Mr. Arthur Welch. 

Robinson (interrupting.) Arthur Welch — who is Arthur Welch? 

Captain. This fellow! 

Robinson (pointing). He? You ought to know him; that is Mr. 
Mortimer Hurd, the new candidate for Sheriff of the Labor Party. 
Edith (aside). All is lost ! 

Captain (sternly), Explain this — an alias — Miss Stevens, I am 
shocked to find you telling an untruth, especially to me a man empow- 
ered with the same functions as a Police Judge. So that is an embryo 
hangman, Ha! Ha! (Byrnes mores his chair ready to run away. 
Ruecker holds his hands praying). I vos — 

Minnie puts her hand on his mouth. 

Edith (in embarrassment). I do not — 

Mortimer (cheerf ully). Miss Stevens, do not deny it any further, tell 
them the truth! 
Edith. The truth ! 

Mortimer. It need no longer remain a secret, tell the gentlemen 
in what relation — 
Robinson (furiously). Relation? You are relations. 
Captain. How so? 

Mortimer. Sancta Simplicitas ! How difficult to say the word— I am— 
Edith. This gentleman is — 
Captain (impatiently). Well? 
Edith. My intended. 

Robinson (yelling). Intended! Edith — isitrm^so? 

Mortimer {rising from his seat, takes Edith's hand, and they xcalk 
together to the front of the stage). This explanation will unravel the 
whole mystery. Our acquaintance was cultivated without the knowl- 
edge of Mr. Robinson, the guardian, perhaps against his will, and should 
have remained secret until after the arri val of the young lady's brother. 
Hence the embarrassment when you found me here, hence the reason 
for my posing under an assumed name. When the first row started in 
town I hurried here to give protection to my destined bride. Monsieur 
Murgez came about the same time and luckily for me, for Edith invited 
us both to tea, while I alone could not have staid. We understood, 
that Major Robinson would remain on duty and therefore did not fear 
his intrusion— I hope you now comprehend the reason of Edith's em- 
barrassment and the necessity of her telling the white lie. 

Captain. The explanation is satisfactory to me. Pardon me for 
having put you to so much trouble, and Miss Stevens (offers her his 
hand)) accept my hearty congratulations. Adieu — (exit C.) 

Minnie (shows the Captain out and exits C.) 



WHO TOLD THE LIE? 



17 



Robinson. But Edith, what am I to think of it all — is it possible to 
become betrothed in so short a time ? 

Edith {cunningly). You ought really not to be so very much surprised 
— you certainly must have had some idea, when you insinuated about 
Mr. Hurd! 

Robinson (To Edith.) But yesterday you had not even seen the gen- 
tleman. {To Mortimer). Why, you begged so fervently for an inter- 
view — asked for an answer only. 

Mortimer. And how do you know that ? 

Edith {laughing). Aha, Mr. Guardian, perhaps you read Mr. Morti- 
mer's letters. 

Mortimer. None of which were received by Miss Edith. 

Edith (triumphantly). Which you therefore confiscated. 

Robinson. Hang the luck! {detected, ashamed, he frantically rushes 
off the stage. Exit, C.) 

Edith. Thank God! I can again breathe freely. 

Byrnes (rises from his seat). Begorrah ! Missus how yer kin lie — 
sure yer kin. 

Ruecker (walks close to Byrnes threatening). Ah, an you vos anodder! 

Position, Edith, Mortimer, Byrnes, Ruecker. 
Edith. What a shame— to have told a lie. 

Mortimer. T'is true! but will they remain lies; one at least should 
become true, (pleading). My beloved Edith? 

Edith. After a public acknowledgment how can we retract. 

Mortimer (draws her to him). Beloved Edith! Who could have 
predicted that a short hour ago (triumphantly) happy, engaged (laughs) 
and before these witnesses— but it is late we must leave you. Come 
ye worthy breadwinners, for if the Captain of the Police should make 
inquiries at the Hotel Yendome and at La Bretagne, then you should 
be housed in your homes in safety. Good -night, dear. 

Edith. Sleep well — sweet dreams! 

Byrnes. I'm much obliged for the tay mam. 

Ruecker. Mine childrens comes to yer veddin, 

Edith. Mortimer and you men — who told the lief 

Byrnes. Not Oi shure! 

Ruecker. Not mineself ! 

Mortimer (embraces her). Not I ! 

Edith (kisses him). Nor I ! 



CURTAIN, 




THAN THE SCRAP-BOOK 

RECITATION SERIES, 



BY H. 7«S. SORER. 



PRICE, POST PAID, PAPER, 25 CENTS. 



"The selections are choice in quality and in large variety.'' — Inter-Ocean, Chicago. 
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CONTENTS OF NO. 1. 



Keep the Mill A-going (Fine Poem). 
Faces in the Fire (Fine Poem). 
In School Days (Fine Poem). 
The Two Roads (Fine Prose). 
Extreme Unction. 
Baron Grimalkin's Death (Parody). 
Words and Their Uses (Humorous Poem). 
Fritz's Troubles. 

Two Christmas Eves (Fine Poem). 
Interview Between School Directors and 
Janitor 

To the Memory of the late Brigham Young. 

How Liab and I Parted. 

Old Grimes' Hen (Funny >. 

The Average Modern Traveler 

At My Mother's Grave (Pathos) 

The Newsboy's Debt (Pathetic Poem). 

Mrs. Potts' Dissipated Husband (Comic). 

I See the Point. 

The Professor in Shafts (Humorous). 
Mr. Sprechelheimer's Mistake (Dialect). 
God's Time. 

The Little Folks' (Thanksgiving Poem). 

The Old Schoolmaster. 

The Revolutionary Rising. 

Pat's Letter (Comic). 

How to Go to Sleep (Comic). 

Nothing (Poem). * 

De Pen and De Swoard (Funny). 

A Greyport Legend — 1797, 

The Life Boat is a Gallant Bark. 

Birthday Gifts. 

The Superfluous Man. 

Sockery Setting a Hen (Comic). 

The Water that Has Passed. 

Medley— Mary's Little Lamb 

The Launch of the Ship. 

Aunt Kindly (Fine Pathos). 

Evening at the Farm (Poem) 

Battle of Beal An' Duine. 

Passing Away. 

Mark Twain and the Interviewer (Very 
Funny). 



Daybreak. 
True Life. 

Modern Loyalty (Satiric Poem, Good). 
Unfinished Still. • 

Allow for the Crawl (Humorous Poem), 
The Silent Tower of Bottreaux. 
Gentility. 

The Drunkard (Poem). 
The Poetical Patch Quilt. 
What Is Life ? 

Art Thou Living Yet ? (Poem). 
New Year's Chime. 
Song of the Chimney (Comic). 
A Domestic Tempest. 
Common Sense. 

How Mr. Coffin Spelled it (Funny). 
The Old Man in the Palace Car. 
Ego and Echo (Comic Poem). 
A Night Picture. 
A Penitent. 

Rum's Ruin (Fine Temperance Poem). 

The Babies (Humorous;. 

What Is It to Me ? 

Our First Commander (Patriotic). 

Horseradish (Comic) 

The Doom of Claudius and Cynthia (Fine 

Description.) 
Weaving The Web (Fine Poem). 
Broken Home (Pathetic). 
Dream of Eugene Aram (Poem of Great 

Beauty). 

An Expensive Chicken (Humorous). 
Faithful Little Wife. 
Money Musk (Humorous Poem). 
Resisting a Mother's Love (Fine Pathos). 
Spring (Poem). 

The Deacon's Call (Fine Poem). 
The Ghost (Humorous Poem). 
The Bridge. 
Keenan's Charge. 

The Father of His Country (A Play). 



T, S. DENISON, Publisher, 
163 Randolph St., - - CHICAGO. 



RTHIOPIAN PLAYS. 



Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 



These plays are all short, and very funny. • Little or no stage 
apparatus is required. The number of darkies is given in those plays in 
which white characters occur. 



STAGE STRUCK: DARKEY. 

A very funny burlesque on high act- 
ing; 2 m., 1 f. Time. 10 m. Three 
negroes play Claude Melnotte, Lady 
Macbeth, Macduff, t4 Lucimicus," Damon 
and Pythias, etc. 

STOCKS TIP— STOCKS DOWN. 

2 m. A played-out author and his 
sympathizing friend. Time, 8 m. Very 
funny and full of business. Ludicrous 
description of a fire. 

DEAF— IN A HORN. 

2 m. Negro musician and a deaf pupil. 
Time, 8 m. The "pupil" has a large horn 
which he uses for an ear trumpet, pre- 
tending to be very deaf. By stratagem 
the teacher causes him to hear suddenly. 

HANDY ANDY. 

2 m., master and servant. Time 12 m. 
i Servant makes all sorts of ludicrous mis- 
takes, and misunderstands every order. 

THE MISCHIEVOUS NIGGER. 

A very popular farce; 4 m., 2 f. Time, 
20 m. (Only one darky, the mischievous 
nigger.) Scene : Chamber and bedroom 
off. Requires two sham babies. Char- 
acters : Antony Snow (the nigger), old 
man, French barber, Irishman, nurse, 
Mrs. Norton. 

THE SHAM DOCTOR. 

A negro farce; 4 m., 2 f. Time, 15 m. 
Liverheel turns doctor, and practices on 
"old Johnson." The sham doctor will 
bring down the house. 

NO CURE, NO PAY. 

3 m. (1 darky), 1 f. Time, 10 m. Will 
suit the most fastidious; a good piece for 
school or parlor. 

HAUNTED HOUSE, 

2 m , landlord and a whitewasher ( also 
2 or 3 ghosts.) Time, 8 m. The white- 
washer discovers spirits in a house where 
he is at work, and is frightened badly in 
consequence. 

AN UNHAPPY PAIR. 

3 m. (and males for a band ) Time, 10 
m. Two hungry kk niggers" strike the 
musicians for a square meal. Good for 
school or parlor. Very funny; ends with 
a burlesque duet. 



THE TWO POMPEYS. 

4 m. Time. S m. A challenge to a 
duel is worked up in a very humorous 
manner until the courage oozes out of the 
duellists. 

TRICKS. 

A negro farce; 5 m., 2 f. Time, 10 m. 
(Only 2 darkies, im., if.) 

THE JOKE ON SQUINIM. 

A negro farce (Black Statue improved^, 
by W. B Sheddaw; 4 m.. 2 f. Time, 25 
m. Scenes: A barn and a plain room. 

QUARRELSOME SERVANTS. 

3 m. Time, 8 m Mr. Jenkins is un- 
able to procure servants who will not 
quarrel. He advertises for a male cook 
and an hostler. The interview with the 
candidates is uproariously comical. 

SPORTS ON A LARK. 

3 m. Time, 8 m. Two niggers who 
are dead broke meet and get acquainted. 
Business is very lively and taking. 

OTHELLO AND DESDEMONA. 

2 m. Time, 12 m. A side-splitting 
burlesque on the chamber scene in 
Othello. The strangling of k Desderno- 
na" will bring down the house every 
time. 

BACK FROM CALIFORNY; Or, Old 

Clothes. 

3 m. Time, 12 m. Things get badly 
mixed and the clothes are locked in the 
wrong trunks. 

UNCLE JEFF. 

A farce. 5 m. (2 negroes,) 2 f. Time, 
25 m. A very popular farce. 

ALL EXPENSES; Or Nobody's Son. 

2 m. Time, 10 m. Artemus Buz is a 
manager, and Jemius Fluticus applies for 
a situation in his company. Very funny. 

PROF. BLACK'S FUNNYGRAPH. 

A nigger burlesque on the phonograph; 
6 m., and niggers for audience ^on the 
stage). Time, 15 m. 

JUMBO JUM. 

A farce. 4 m. (1 negro), 3 f. Time. 30 
m. A popular farce wherever negro 
humor of the stage type is appreciated. 



T. S. DENISON. Publisher, 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

111 



198 360 2f= 

Any Play on this List 15 Cts. Postpaid. Catalogue Free.\ 



Plays by T. S. DENISON. 

That the plays written by T. S. Deni- 
son are. all things considered, the best 
for amateurs, is attested by their very 
large and increasing sale. 

ODDS WITH THE ENEMY. 

A drama in five acts; 7 male and 4 
female characters. Time, 2 hours. 

SETH GREENBACK. 

A drama in 4 acts; 7 male and 3 fe- 
male Time, 1 h., 15 m. 

INITIATING A GRANGER. 

A ludicrous farce; 8 male. Time, 25 m. 
WANTED, A CORRESPONDENT. 

A farce in 2 acts; 4 male, 4 female. 
Time, 45 m. 

A FAMILY STRIKE. 

A farce, 3 male, 3 female. Time, 20 m. 
TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. 

A humorous farce, boarding school 
life; S female characters. Time, 25 m. 

THE ASSESSOR. 

A humorous sketch; 3 male and 2 fe- 
male. Time, 10 m. 

BORROWING TROUBLE. 

A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 5 fe- 
male. Time, 20 m. 



COUNTRY JUSTICE. 

Amusing country lawsuit ; S 



nale 



characters. (May admit 11.) Time, 15 m. 
THE PULL-BACK. 

A laughable farce; 6 female. Time, 
20 m. 

HANS VON SMASH. 

A roaring farce in a prologue and one 
act; 4 male and 3 female. Time, 30 m. 

OUR COUNTRY. 

A patriotic drama. Requires 10 maid 
5female. (Admits it m. 15 f.) Four fine 
tableaux. Time about 1 hour. 

THE SCHOOLMA'AM. 

A brilliant comedy in 4 acts; 6 male, 5 
female. Time 1 hour, 45 m. 

THE IRISH LINEN PEDDLER. 

A lively farce; 3 male, 3 female. Time 
40 m. 

THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS. 

A roaring farce: 5 male, 1 female. 
Time, 20 m. 

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. 

A capital farce ; 3 male, 6 female. 
Time, 43 m. 



IS THE EDITOR IN? 

A farce; 4 male and 2 female; 20 in. 
AN ONLY DAUGHTER. 

A drama in 3 acts; 5 male and 2 fe 
male. Time, 1 hour, 15 m. 

PETS OF SOCIETY. 
A farce; 7 female. Time, 25 m. 

HARD CIDER. 
A very amusing temperance sketch; 4 
male, 2 female. Time, 10 m. 

LOUVA, THE PAUPER. 

A drama in 5 acts; 9 male and 4 fe- 
male characters. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. 

UNDER THE LAURELS. 

A drama in five acts; a stirring p'ay, 

fully equal to Louva the Pauper. Five 
male, 4 female. Time, 1 hour, 45 m. 

THE SPARKLING CUP. 

A temperance drama in five acts; \z 
male and 4 female. Time 2 h. 

THE DANGER SIGNAL. 

A drama; 7 male, 4 female. Time, 2 h. 
WIDE ENOUGH FOR TWO. 

A farce; 5 male, 2 female. Time, 45 m. 

BOOKS FOR ENTERTAINMENTS. 

WORK AND PLAY. 

BY MARY J. JACQUES. 

A gem for the little folks. Exercises 
in letters, numbers, objects, geography, 
language, animated nature, motion - 
songs, dialogues, charades, pantomimes, 
etc., all original. Price, raanila 
sides, cloth back, postpaid, Aoc. 

PRANKS AND PASTIMES. 

All sorts of good things for home, 
school or church. Nearly 100 different 
games, charades and scenes, etc. Price, 

cloth back, manila sides, 50c. 

THE FRIDAY DIALOGUES. 

Short, lively. Boys and girls. Price 25c. 
FRIDAY AFTERNOON SPEAKER. 

For little folks, for older boys and 
girls, short, pithy dialogues. Price 25c. 

Dialogues from Dickens, 25c. 

Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Tab- 
leaux, etc , etc., 25c. 

Choice Pieces for Little People, 25c 

School and Parlor Tableaux, 25c. 

Debater's Handbook, cloth. 50c. 

Everybody's Letter Writer, SOc. 

Good Manners, paper cover, 30c. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO. 



